Friday, February 10, 2012 Actor's Diary Jeff Hunt

Nervousness seems to be the plague of all those who go out into public. The cure is often a healthy dose of indifference, but within a species that has its very reproductive foundations rooted within the practice of strict judgment it is difficult to fool one's self into believing that others truly don't care. We are left trying to convince ourselves that we're great, but again, society has taught us to be humble, and praising ourselves within our minds goes against not only the societal norm but the years and years of self esteem conditioning that various companies put us through in an effort to attract us to their products.  This past week of rehearsal reached its precipice when the time came for an evaluation of line memorization, something that I can honestly say that I was not prepared for, nor was my partner. It was apparent that the other groups were suffering from the same sort of stage fright that we were. Whenever Mr. Newman would enter the room all acting progress would seemingly come to a halt as we all stopped and tried to think about how we should look and how we should be acting. It was really quite entertaining to watch while simultaneously being quite terrifying to be in the same room as. For us grade twelve's, last Thursday's class was our last opportunity to have a mark put in for our university grades, so the pressure in that particular moment was amplified even more so. It's quite funny to think about the situation really. You are worried about doing well and by worrying about doing well you consequently end up doing worse and thus your fears are confirmed. It's a terrible endless cycle, one that I think we've all suffered from inside and outside of drama.  The fear of making mistakes causes us to make mistakes. It's the regret, and knowing that that regret will stick with us for a long time. When writing articles for the Aquiline, I don't like to tell people that they are weak, spoiled, or take things for granted. Perhaps they do, perhaps they don't. Everyone has of issues that plague them, but one thing that they all have in common is regret. Thinking about the past is one of the easiest ways to bring yourself down, because it is always the horrible stuff we remember the most (stupid brain). Whenever I end up in the lower school hallway I am reminded of the total bliss and lust for life that small children have. That is what I'm going to teach; to keep their lust for life, to not by force themselves to live up to other role models, but to look forward to their own adventure. You are not Gandhi, you are not Mother Theresa, and you are not Craig Kilberger. You will never be. And that's an amazing thought! You are your own master, and you can walk down any road you like! Ask yourself: "What keeps me from doing exactly what I want to?" The most likely answer is: "Myself." What you have done in the past will only hurt you if you do it again. Make sure to tell yourself what you will never do again, and then tell yourself what you will do. Form your resolve, but base it upon your own courage and independence. Be honest with both yourself and those you love. Don't try to live up to others, but make your own adventure. Regret is only good for telling yourself what you will never do again. Once you know which things you will never do again, regret turns into wisdom, and wisdom builds character.